


Zucchini

by f-ing-ruthless-baz (my_mad_fatuation)



Series: Carry On Ficlets [1]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Crack, Dick Jokes, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Oblivious Simon Snow, POV Simon Snow, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-08 04:01:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18886762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_mad_fatuation/pseuds/f-ing-ruthless-baz
Summary: Simon accidentally makes a double-entendre.





	Zucchini

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by true events. (See end notes for details.)
> 
> This is just silliness. And I know that it's called a _courgette_ in the UK, but that doesn't have the same crude ring to it, and I really wanted to stay true to my inspiration source, so yeah. Don't take any of this seriously at all, please.

“Well,” I say as I drop the shopping bags on the kitchen counter, “that was a bit of a fail.”

Baz comes up beside me and sets down his bags too, while Penny turns around to look over at us from her seat in the lounge.

“What was a fail?” she asks.

“We couldn’t get everything on the shopping list you gave us,” Baz says as he starts pulling chilled items out of the bags to stick in the fridge. He doesn’t even live here, but he still does more to help out around the flat than I do.

“Yeah, half the stuff from the produce section wasn’t even there,” I chime in. I pass a couple more things to him so he doesn’t have to reach as far. “It’s like they decided today would be a great day to play ‘hide the zucchini.’”

Baz freezes for a second, and when I look at him, it seems like he’s trying not to laugh.

“What?” I ask, but he just shakes his head and turns back to the fridge. Glancing over at Penny, I can see that she’s also holding back laughter. “Seriously, _what_? They didn’t have any!”

“It’s okay, I believe you, Simon,” she says, and then bites down on her lip as a grin threatens to break across her face.

I hear Baz snort, from over by the fridge, and I glare at him when he turns around. “You were there! There wasn’t even a space for them in the shop!”

He nods like he’s trying to compose himself as he walks back over to me, and places a kiss on my temple. “I know.”

“You guys are being weird,” I grumble, and grab a few of the pantry bits to put away as well.

* * *

We’re having a quiet night in, tonight, watching a film together, the three of us. I like these kinds of nights, because we can never agree on a single film, and almost always end up watching two in a row. Which gives Baz the perfect excuse to ask to stay over, when they run late into the night. (Not that he needs an excuse, I’ve told him.)

“Well I’m knackered,” I say once the end credits of the second film roll, forcing myself up from the sofa and stretching my arms overhead. I look down at Baz, still seated, and reach for his hand to drag him with me. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

“Oh, are we playing _‘hide the zucchini’_ tonight?” he says as I lead him towards my room, and I stop to eye him suspiciously.

“Wait, what?” I frown at him and ignore the fact that Penny is literally cackling on the sofa now. “What are you— _oh shit!_ ”

Baz is also laughing now, and while it’s a rare and lovely thing to see, I kind of hate that it’s almost always at my expense. (No, actually, I kind of love that.)

“You guys!” I say, tugging my hair in frustration. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Honestly, Simon, how did you not hear it when you said it?” Penny asks.

Baz turns to face her, too, and slings his arm over my shoulders. “You should have seen him at the shop. Picked up an eggplant and said it was the biggest he’d ever seen.”

“It _was_ , though!” I argue, even though I’m laughing, too. I can’t help it.

“Snow, that’s a lie and you know it.”

I glare at him, but I’m still smiling, and continue to pull him towards my bedroom. “Prove it, then.”

His eyebrows go up in surprise for a second before he hurries me forward.

Penny makes a retching noise behind us. “Gross.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Now, for the _true events_ version of the story:
> 
> One time when my partner and I were grocery shopping and had a lot of trouble finding a bunch of the (really common) things we were looking for---like, they just weren't there at all---I decided to complain about once we were in the car, and I _actually_ said, "I guess they thought it was a good day to play 'hide the zucchini.'" And my partner couldn't even laugh at that, because _my parents were in the car with us._ And I _had no freaking clue_ that it could have been taken to mean anything other than, "I couldn't find any zucchini." Did not occur to me at all. But no one said anything.
> 
> Until quite some time later (possibly days) when my partner just casually reminded me about it and told me it was so hard for him not to laugh. Yeah. Sometimes I'm _that_ clueless.  
>  
> 
> And if you want more of my bad jokes and mediocre fanfics, you can find me on tumblr as [@f-ing-ruthless-baz](https://f-ing-ruthless-baz.tumblr.com)!


End file.
